found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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