the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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