i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
