I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We just shotgunned beers for America
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
