your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
