I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
