wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
