and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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