i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
