you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
