so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
