Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
