OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
