Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
