I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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