You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
someone owes me an orgasm
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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