Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
