rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
