I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
