she was so not down for the gang bang
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
