that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
