They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
