You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
