I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
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