Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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