I want to have your abortion
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
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