No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
