just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
