Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
