i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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