you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
