It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
