i think my tv is drunk
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i drank out of a bidet.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
