we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So vagazzling was a success
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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