I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
If its not for food we ain't going out.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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