I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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