I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
