The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
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