You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
