I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
