Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
