I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
