Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
