Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
