Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Randomize
