i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
