I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
