seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
