The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
