either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
