the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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