Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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