I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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