I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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