I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
